"Yes, as long as it's with your spouse! And it's not difficult, so it's sad so few couples succeed," says Charlie Michaels who has been living this dream for 25 years with her husband Mike Brown.
"We were clueless until a couple who had been happily married for 50 years shared their secret with us," Michaels said. "Their advice was simple: Individually and separately write down all of your expectations of marriage, compare them and agree how you will handle your differences.
"This was brilliant, because most of the disappointments in our lives are not that the actual situation is so terrible, but rather we become upset when reality differs from what we expected."
By identifying expectations you share, you build confidence, trust and develop a common focus. Uncovering differences doesn't harm your relationship as many couples fear, but merely highlights possible hotspots. By agreeing now how you will handle these differences, you turn potential disagreements into non-issues. If you wait until problems actually arise, you are much more likely to have arguments than discussions.
This process builds a strong foundation under the dreams you've been sharing, strengthens your relationship, eliminates doubts and allows you to know each other better than many couples do after years of marriage.
"Once you start talking, you realize that you have expectations for just about everything - some make you laugh, others get you talking," Charlie said. "One of our differences had to do with ironing. Mike had expected me to do the ironing. I don't iron, period. Our negotiated 'compromise' was that Mike would either send his clothes out to be ironed, iron them himself or wear them wrinkled!
"On a more serious note, we made several agreements that probably saved our marriage. One had to do with how we would spend money if we were financially destitute . a situation we never expected to face, but did within two years of getting married."
The Browns summarized their agreements into a written list called a Marriage Pact. Mike adds, "It's sort of like a sports team's playbook because we know what each of us is supposed to do in a given situation. Living by these agreements minimizes conflict and provides guidelines that make difficult decisions less traumatic. This has enabled us to enjoy each other's love and support through several situations that would have ended a weaker marriage."
Every couple's Pact will be different. In their book, "Mastering Marriage," the Browns give step-by-step directions for creating your unique Marriage Pact. Also included are other secrets they use to keep love alive, including their favorite, which only takes one second a day! Interesting quotes, real-life examples and cartoons make it a fun read.
The beautiful hardcover edition makes a perfect engagement, shower or wedding gift.
Recommended Books:
Mastering Marriage (Click Here!)
The Marriage Pact Questionnaire Playbook (Click Here!)
Charlie and Mike claim their ideas will help you be pleased with the choices you make and even happier and more in love years from now than you are today. Their readers believe them.
Until Next Time!
Jasmine
http://funweddings.blogspot.com
9/5/06
For the Groom's Eyes Only!
The wedding proposal has taken place and a date has been set.The preparations begin and the bride starts to steal all the attention. Of course, the bride will be the center of attention at the wedding. Everybody awaits her entrance at the church, to admire (or criticize) her dress, veil and flowers. However, there cannot be a bride without a groom. So let's take time to focus solely on him. Because a man in love has his own dreams for his special day and he wants everything to be perfect, too.
Let's take a look at how the groom can participate in the wedding plans. The most important thing for him to do is to avoid assuming a passive attitude when preparation time comes around. Besides having the satisfaction of partaking in the details of his own wedding, his bride will also appreciate the effort. The groom should discuss his own wishes with the bride. He should go with her on shopping trips and help decide on what flowers, photographer and reception hall to select.
It is his responsibility to choose a best man, although he should discuss how many ushers and bridesmaids to include in the bridal party. The bride and groom together should select the style and color of the suits and dresses for the bridal party. The groom should choose an appropriate tuxedo/ suit to wear at the ceremony. And he should also talk about it with his bride so that it won't clash with her gown.
The following are a few extra tips for the groom:
First of all, consider the time of day that the wedding will take place and the formality of the ceremony and reception. If it is an evening formal ceremony, the groom's tuxedo and the ushers' tuxedos should be identical. The only difference is the boutonnieres or flower worn on the lapel. In formal day weddings and semi-formal ones, the ushers can wear suits of a different color.
In regards to color, black remains a favorite. Because besides being elegant, it is appropriate at any time of the day, any time of the year and in all styles of weddings. The shirt should be white on white, with a pleated front for formal and semi-formal weddings and white with a classic cut for informal weddings. Pastels and T-shirts are definitely out!
The groom is responsible for delegating the responsibility for fittings at the tailor shop to his best man, who should then inform each usher on when to go for a fitting and when to pick up the tux/suit. Likewise, the best man is in charge of making sure that the ushers return the rentals to the tailor after the ceremony, so the groom can enjoy his honeymoon.
There is definitely no other way for a groom to begin his happily married life, than by taking part in the event that marks the beginning of it all
Fun Site:
Create your own bottle of wine! (Click Here!) ~ Cute idea for your wedding!
Until Next Time!
Jasmine
http://funwedding.blogspot.com
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