By Krista Dunk
Do you know any person who is perfect in every way? Have you ever failed, fallen short, or been offensive or wrong? At a recent conference, I learned an important principle about love that needs to be shared. This is the ultimate in forgiveness - it's learning to love imperfection.
Marriage is the most tender, yet most strenuous relationship we have. If you have the expectation of perfection for yourself or for your spouse, you will be disappointed - probably everyday. Loving someone else means you love their soul - the good, the bad and the ugly (hopefully not too much ugly). At some point you will be let down, offended, hurt, angry, disillusioned, bored, stressed, frustrated, nit-picky, and upset. Can you truly love them anyway? Don't forget that at some point you too will be the one who offends, is wrong, behaves insensitively, hurts the other person, etc., whether you purposely mean to or not.
At the same time, a marriage relationship also brings hope, joy, security, partnership, intimacy, friendship, family, collaboration, support, fun, financial gain, passion, respect, honor, and love. Without pushing through the bad, you can never enjoy the good that an enduring marriage brings. Love should cover and forgive an offense, not dwell on it. Don't get me wrong, if we're talking about abuse or adultery... the rules change of course. But for other circumstances, learn to love imperfection while striving to improve your relationship.
Unfortunately falling short is a fact of life, even though we don't intend to or purposefully mean to do so. Examine yourself and see if you have unrealistic expectations for your spouse (or for yourself). Unmet expectations that are not resolved lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, depression, and more. Instead, practice forgiveness, patience and loving imperfection. It's not easy, but we all need love in spite of our faults and mistakes. We all need to know that we're loved no matter what - in the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer... sound familiar?
Just keepin' it real: Be blessed!
Do you know any person who is perfect in every way? Have you ever failed, fallen short, or been offensive or wrong? At a recent conference, I learned an important principle about love that needs to be shared. This is the ultimate in forgiveness - it's learning to love imperfection.
Marriage is the most tender, yet most strenuous relationship we have. If you have the expectation of perfection for yourself or for your spouse, you will be disappointed - probably everyday. Loving someone else means you love their soul - the good, the bad and the ugly (hopefully not too much ugly). At some point you will be let down, offended, hurt, angry, disillusioned, bored, stressed, frustrated, nit-picky, and upset. Can you truly love them anyway? Don't forget that at some point you too will be the one who offends, is wrong, behaves insensitively, hurts the other person, etc., whether you purposely mean to or not.
At the same time, a marriage relationship also brings hope, joy, security, partnership, intimacy, friendship, family, collaboration, support, fun, financial gain, passion, respect, honor, and love. Without pushing through the bad, you can never enjoy the good that an enduring marriage brings. Love should cover and forgive an offense, not dwell on it. Don't get me wrong, if we're talking about abuse or adultery... the rules change of course. But for other circumstances, learn to love imperfection while striving to improve your relationship.
Unfortunately falling short is a fact of life, even though we don't intend to or purposefully mean to do so. Examine yourself and see if you have unrealistic expectations for your spouse (or for yourself). Unmet expectations that are not resolved lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, depression, and more. Instead, practice forgiveness, patience and loving imperfection. It's not easy, but we all need love in spite of our faults and mistakes. We all need to know that we're loved no matter what - in the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer... sound familiar?
Just keepin' it real: Be blessed!
My Recommended Reading
Approaching the study of relationships from a psychotherapist's perspective is How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Teacher and writer David Richo gives practical and spiritual exercises for couples and singles who want to have mature and lasting relationships. Emphasizing paying attention and letting go, Richo gently and compassionately coaches readers on what he calls the five A's: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing. His book, which proposes "letting go of ego," will help those seeking personal transformation in their relationships
Krista Dunk, Founder & CEO http://www.nwweddingplace.com/"Helping Pacific Northwest Couples Plan Their Dream Weddings & Successful Marriages™"Olympia, WARead our Blog at: http://www.nwweddingplace.blogspot.com/Copyright 2008
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Sparkling WeddingsCreate Your Own Wedding Website- Great way to keep your guests updated on your wedding!
